Confessions of a former pastor ...

Well this morning was finally the event that has forced me to turn in my pastors "card". I was driving to church, down the stretch of Clearbrook road that skirts the airport, and saw some guy on his long-board heading south. It seemed kind of odd to see a guy in the middle of nowhere at 8:15 on an October morning on his long-board. As is my normal habit I pulled up right behind him and lay on the horn ... No, no , no, of course not! As any good driver would I drifted left to give him lots of room. As I passed him I glanced over to see, to my surprise, Duncan Ris on the board! This began an internal conversation in my head. "Why is Duncan boarding to church? Is this intentional, or does he not have a car today? Maybe he wants the exercise ... I mean after all, he's probably not in nearly as good a shape as I am. Should I pull over? Will the car behind me hit me if I quickly veer to the shoulder and then hammer on the brakes? He must be working really hard on that board since it's not that warm out and yet he's got his jacket slung under his arm."

And with that ... I was at the corner of Huntingdon and Clearbrook, with Duncan only a speck in my rear-view mirror. Hours later when Duncan finally pulled into church (okay ... minutes) I made a critical mistake. I asked the wrong question. "Duncan, would you have wanted me to stop and pick you up?" I was expecting him to reply with "No, thanks for not stopping because I really needed the exercise and had you stopped, I probably wouldn't have had the willpower to not simply crawl ... exhausted ... into your car and just leave my board there alone on the side of the road!" Nope. Instead he said "Yeah, that would have been great." Oops. And then he said something to the effect of "If you won't stop for someone you know I suppose you probably wouldn't be stopping for a stranger!"

As I said ... my pastors card is in the mail and headed back to ... well ... wherever pastors cards come from.

I wonder if my experience illustrates a couple reasons why we struggle sometimes to meaningfully connect with people in our community who we bump into ... people who don't know Jesus. First, I wonder if we make erroneous assumptions. God may present us with a "divine appointment" with a person and yet we may miss out because we internally assume things that end up not being true. "They probably don't feel a need to know Jesus." "If I tried to share about Jesus with them I may only offend them and push them further from Jesus." "They probably don't have time to talk right now, they look busy." Are those things all potentially true? Yup. They are also potentially false. I thought Duncan wanted to skateboard to church. Clearly, I was wrong.

Second, when we're not prepared to act, we have the potential to miss the moment. They more we are held captive to the internal dialogue ... the longer we debate the pros and cons of talking to people about Jesus ... the more likely it is that by the time we make a decision to act, the moment has passed. The persons in line at the Starbucks pick up counter has already had their coffee made and they're our the door. The mom you were standing beside at the school playground has already picked up her kids and is halfway home. Sometimes the window is small ... the moment of opportunity is fleeting ... and the longer we debate in our minds whether or not it's worth sharing about Jesus in a particular situation, the greater the chance the the opportunity disappears. We are more likely to act in the moment if we've decided ahead of time that we will step into whatever situation God brings our way. We need to be prepared to act. The truth is ... the longer I let the internal discussion go in my mind this morning, the further down the road I got and the less likely I was to pick up Duncan. The moment had passed. I mean ... u-turns are illegal ... right?!?!?

So that's my story. I wish I could say that it's only true of me in the situation this morning ... but unfortunately some of the parallels I've drawn above hit close to home too often. Is this just my experience of life, or do you find yourself in similar circumstances ... kept from action because of an internal dialogue that goes on and then missing the moment as a result?

Oh ... and a word to the wise ... if you ever see a guy who resembles Duncan out in the middle of nowhere riding his long board, your day will go a lot better if you'd just stop and pick him up!

Unable to Identify

God’s ultimate act of evangelism was the incarnation of Jesus: “the Word became flesh and blood moved into the neighbourhood” (John 1:14). What is so powerful about this is that God became like us, he profoundly and ultimately identified with us both in his life and death. Jesus made himself low that He might raise us up. One of my most profound experiences of evangelism was on the Downtown Eastside during Urban Mission Adventure with CBC. It was pouring rain, no one wanted to go out to do random acts of kindness or prayer walk or anything. I had hated feeling like a tourist for the past two days and was a bit grumpy. Our team leader told us we were going to go give out cookies. “Great,” I thought cynically, “these people are broken, bleeding, and dying down here and we are going to save them with cookies.” I deliberately put on a sweatshirt and a thick plaid over-shirt, neither the least bit waterproof, and we set out to give out cookies. Pretty soon, with rain streaming down my face, my hair soaked, and the wet starting to penetrate through my layers of clothing, I suddenly started tasting, ever so slightly, one of trials of being down, there the challenge of staying warm and dry. The wetter and colder I got, the happier I was to give away cookies, the happier I was to eat a cookie, the more meaning I found in the whole experience. Because I was, with increasing integrity, able to say more than just “here’s a cookie” I was able to say through my actions “I am here with you, in this cold, wet, miserable place and I have I left the comfort of my home to be here with you, to experience this and to bring goodness, in the form of a cookie.” This experience has profoundly shaped my understanding evangelism as requiring incarnation. I cannot evangelize from a position of power and otherness, I have to identify with people, I have to move into the neighbourhood, I have to feel their pain and then I am able to with integrity share good news with friends. I have to prove that the good news can be for them with my life before my words have meaning. My first challenge is always to identify with those I serve, when I am unable or unwilling to identify with them, to be with them, to live like them, how will they ever believe that my words apply to their lives?

First Corinthians 9:22-23:

²²To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. ²³I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 

Will I become weak?

(Photo by roland)

Local vs. International

Is evangelism easier overseas? I feel like it is… I am significantly more comfortable speaking to strangers when on a short term missions trip. So what’s different? I am more focused and more available. For two weeks or whatever length the trip is, virtually 100% of my time is available for whatever need may arise or for whoever may request my time or offer theirs. For two weeks my only responsibility is to love people and seek God, I don’t have to figure out rent or juggle two part time jobs, homework, TV, video games or whatever other responsibilities and activities back home distract and consume my time. Furthermore, the only people I know are working with me. We are part of a team and there is a single focus. At home, I am part of two families, multiple groups of friends, church, work etc. There is little cohesive sense of team at all in my life and certainly not with an eye to outreach. On a trip I am given a role which contributes to a larger vision, at home I struggle to define or see a larger vision which encompasses all of my life and relationships. Where is my missions team at home? What is our mission?