What am I waiting for?

I have talked and written a lot about self sacrifice, incarnational evangelism, and availability for relationship. I have also portrayed myself as selfish, unavailable and stuck within the Christian bubble. So the question: If I know what I am called to… What am I waiting for? Why the agonizing over what sport or activity to invest time in, to connect with people? Why not just do it? Why the soap opera of uncertainty regarding my future career if I am certain, as I recently preached, that it’s not about me. That in fact, the reality that I live, act and respond like “it is all about me” is precisely the primary problem of not only my life, but of our culture as a whole. 

So what am I waiting for? Well, while I feel the distinct desire and even pressure to just “jump in” in some fashion, further reflection reveals that it is not that simple. What I am talking about with incarnational evangelism (1 Cor. 9:17-23 cf. Unable to Identify) and self sacrifice (Matt. 10:38) is not a small task to be achieved on a Saturday afternoon. It is the cultivation of an attitude and lifestyle which permeates your being and day 24/7. As I discussed previously evangelism is in the little things - BUT it is in ALL the little things, ALL the time. A word I cling to is faithfulness - that I would be faithful in the tasks and opportunities I am presented with, that I would wrestle with my motivations and the impact of my actions… 

If my writing and speaking is encouraging and challenging to others and myself, but I have no impact in my "personal witness" should I stay silent and let the page remain blank?What does "personal witness" mean? How is "impact" measured? Are there different seasons in life? If my life mostly blesses those within Jesus’ community, should I abandon those relationships in order to serve others? My conviction is as follows: That if “It’s not all about me” then for ME to abandon relationships and community in order for ME to serve the greater community and fulfill MY calling, then I miss the point. Rather I am seeking to submit to community and solicit and begin dialogue, dreams and discernment of what God would desire to do with US, having brought US together and blessed US with relationship, provision and grace. Having experienced these things TOGETHER in Jesus, where would God have US go? what would God empower US to do? And how do I fit into the calling and dreams of my COMMUNITY? 

So I am not waiting but I am also refusing to act in isolation and alone for I believe to do so is to fail from the start. I also continue to seek to be faithful to the little things, all the little things, all the time. From asking my wife about her day, to buying a birthday present for a friends, to sitting with the homeless man outside Chapters, to giving chocolate to co workers, to eating organic food, to working hard at my jobs, to being patient in line and driving with grace. I pray for increased boldness that in the midst of my activities as I seek to incarnate the gospel I might also proclaim God’s reign of shalom, Jesus triumph in weakness on the cross, and the reconciliation now possible. Amen.

Please feel free to comment, push back, correct grammar or spelling etc.